The Big H
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: After Haruhi spends the weekend watching marathons of 'Neon Genesis Evangelion' and 'Batman: The Animated Series' Kyon wakes up one morning in a world without memory. Cast in the Name of Haruhi: Ye Not Guilty.
1. Kyon the Negotiator

It was a normal day at the clubroom of the SOS Brigade. Well, no day is a normal day when it comes to Haruhi Suzumiya. What does the 'SOS' in SOS Brigade stand for? I don't remember. I think it stands for 'Spreading Excitement All Over the World with Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade' but it would be more accurate to call us the 'Slaves Of Suzumiya'. And I never knew that 'Brigade' meant 'a five man band that you would find in a cartoon' before. That's right. There are five of us. Let me introduce you.

Haruhi Suzumiya, that beautiful girl with the yellow ribbon in her brown hair may look harmless, but somehow she has the power to warp reality without even realizing it. It's a subconscious rather than a conscious ability, which means that she has no control or even awareness of what she can do.

According to Koizumi, the parameters of her created realities are bound only by her desires and her beliefs. He then smiles as if that explanation really explained anything. Itsuki Koizumi is that tall slender bishōnen with the plastic smile who's sitting across the table losing at chess to me. Don't tell Haruhi, but he's really an esper who's part of secret group of fellow psychics dedicated to making sure that Haruhi doesn't destroy the world by accident.

That girl sitting in the corner reading a book? The one with the short hair and the slender, childlike body? Her name's Yuki Nagato. She's an artificial alien lifeform sent here by an incredibly powerful super intelligence she calls the Data Overmind. Her explanations are way above me and just about every human on the planet. That's right. You can't tell Haruhi about her either. If Haruhi knew that aliens exist the world would be filled with more extraterrestrials than a _Star Trek_ convention. Trust me on this.

Oh, you want to know who the redhead in the maid's outfit is. That's Mikuru Asahina, and she's in the grade ahead of us although you'd never know because she's so cute that she acts like a little girl. But little girls don't have chests like she does do they? Don't look at me like that. I'm a teenage boy. According to our Health classes, at my age a guy is the horniest he'll be in his life. I always behave myself, okay? Get off my back.

Oh, sorry. You want to know what her story is. She's from the future. I've met her future self, and she's going to grow up from a beautiful girl into a beautiful woman. I'm just glad that her future self seems so well adjusted. With all the horrible things that Haruhi does to her, I can only guess that in the future we'll have psychotherapy that will be able to cure anything that bothers us. And you can't tell Haruhi about her either. Currently the only thing keeping the world even halfway normal is Haruhi's _nonbelief_ in the fantastic and supernatural.

And me? You want to know what I do? Or what I am? Well, don't tell anybody, but secretly I'm really a superhero whose alter ego works for the _Daily Planet_. Not buyin' it, huh? That's okay. The truth is that I'm exactly what I look like: An ordinary high school student. No I haven't been bitten by a radioactive spider, but I figure that if I stick around these guys it'll be just a matter of time.

Today Haruhi was glued to the computer watching cartoons nonstop. Yes, that's right. She has a computer capable of accessing just about any information available to the public and she's watching cartoons. I'm getting worried.

Hey Koizumi?

"Yes Kyon?" the boy sitting across the table smiled back.

Yes he called me 'Kyon'. Everybody calls me by that dumb nickname. I don't know why. I mean, my name's not that hard to pronounce. When I went back in time I called myself 'John Smith' but my real name's—

"What is it?" Koizumi asked me.

Do you think it's a good idea to let Haruhi watch so many cartoons? I mean, she's been watching marathons of _Neon Genesis Evangelion _and _Batman: The Animated Series_ the entire weekend. I just think that it could warp her little mind, which could warp our little world, and undo everything that at least three major conspiracies are dedicated to doing, not to mention my life. Don't you think she should cut down on the cartoons? Just a little bit?

"Damn it Shinji!" Haruhi shouted at the image on Youtube. "Why don't you tell one of those girls you love her? You are _such_ a wimp! Why can't you be more like Batman? You know who Batman is? James Bond as a superhero! His name is Wayne, Bruce Wayne… Why don't you take your martinis shaken not stirred you idiot! Don't you remember what those girls have done for you? What's wrong with your memory you moron?"

Koizumi glanced at the girl at the computer and giggled. "Seriously Kyon, do you really think that she would allow cartoons to affect her that much? She's much too level headed for that, and between you and me she has a bit of a short attention span. By next week she'll have forgotten all about cartoons and have moved on to something else. You act like she's going to turn the world into a _film noir_ dystopia filled with giant robots that fight each other for no reason while a hero who's a combination of Batman and James Bond drives around in a cool car. Don't worry. It's highly unlikely that such a thing would happen."

Yeah Koizumi, I guess you're right. That's what I believed when I went to bed that evening anyway. I guess we all make mistakes.

_Neither__ The Big O__ nor the __Haruhi Suzumiya__ series of novels, comics, or cartoons are owned by the author. No profit can be made from this story in any way._

_Big-H!_

_Big-H! Big-H! Big-H!_

_Big-H!_

_Big-H! Big-H! Big-H!_

_Cast in the name of Haruhi!_

**Student**

_Ye not the guilty!_

**Alien**

_We have come to terms!_

**Esper**

_Big-H!_

**Time Traveler**

_Big-H!_

_Big-H! Big-H! Big-H!_

_Big-H!_

_Big-H! Big-H! -H! -H! Big-H!_

**THE BIG H:**

_by Galaxy1001D_

_Act One: Kyon the Negotiator_

My name is John Smith; I perform a necessary job here in the city of Amnesia. This city, Overmind City, is a city of Forgetfulness. One day three years ago, every human and every robot lost all memory of all events, everything that happened prior to that day. But humans are adaptable creatures, they make do and go on living. If they can figure out how to drive cars and harness electricity, they can make some kind of civilization.

I drove through the damaged city in a black 1959 Cadillac that looked like the Batmobile, but cooler. I made my way to the outskirts of town and drove into an abandoned airport and into a hanger where a bunch of guys parked their car near the opposite wall. I parked near the entrance of the hanger, leaving a great deal of distance between my car and the other vehicle.

You're probably wondering why I was wearing sunglasses when I got out of the car with a briefcase full of money. Well, now that the car across the hanger is shining it's headlights on me, you can see why.

Damn! Do you gotta use the brights Taniguchi?

"You the negotiator, Kyon?"

My name is John Smith.

"It's okay, guys, it's Kyon!" a boy my age announced to his henchmen. Taniguchi is known citywide as the rudest kidnapper in Overmind City. He always shines the headlights in a person's face and when receiving ransom money always keeps the case. He only kidnaps girls who score high in his personal scorecard of attractiveness. That means that every girl he holds for ransom is at least an 'A minus.' Now you know why I took the job.

"Okay, show me the money!" he called out.

I opened the case to reveal it was full of hundred dollar bills.

"That American money?" he asked me. "'Cause I don't accept yen!"

You did last time.

"And I got burned! Okay slide the case over here!"

First let me see the girl.

"Okay, bring her out." At his order, his henchman opened the back door to his car and pulled out a slender teenage girl whose light purple hair was styled short in a pageboy haircut. She wore a sailor styled school uniform. Her skin appeared deathly white in the shadowy hangar. Her eyes were obscured by her oversized eyeglasses.

Okay, here comes the case! I pushed the suitcase forward with my foot. It slid about a foot forward before falling over. Grunting, I righted it and tried again. It went six inches before falling over again. Swearing under my breath, I finally picked it up and carried it over to them.

"Thank-QUE!" Taniguchi smiled as he took the case.

Hey Taniguchi, you must be slipping. There's no way this girl even rates an A minus on your scorecard of total hotness.

The girl took off her glasses and stared at me with uncaring golden eyes. She may have had a slender, underdeveloped body, but she had smooth creamy skin, fine features and the detached expression of a professional supermodel.

Wow! I stand corrected, Taniguchi! This girl has really got something!

"Thanks," he smirked. "Bye, Kyon. See you at school."

Hey, aren't you going to leave me the case?

"Nope," he said as he and his men got into the car and started the engine. "My uncle owns a suitcase store. This kidnapping thing is just to keep suitcases in demand. See you."

Are you sure you should be in the driver's seat? You don't have a driver's license yet. You only have a permit.

"I just kidnapped and ransomed a girl. You really think I care about driving without a license?" With the remark, he put the car in 'drive' and drove right through the rear wall of the hanger. Now I know why he has to kidnap girls for the ransom. Otherwise there's no way he could pay for the damages to his dad's car.

Don't worry Miss Nagato. Only the bills in the front were hundreds. The rest was just one dollar bills. Why else do you think I goaded him into keeping the case? They don't call me Overmind City's top negotiator for nothing. By the way, why did the job come from the Data Overmind Company anyway? I would have expected your family to hire me.

"I'm an android," she told me.

Well, in that case there was no point bringing these breath mints. I was hoping for an additional reward if you catch my drift, but I guess I'll just take you home.

"You are a louse John Smith."

Holy crap! Did I say that out loud just now?

* * *

On a desk filled with hourglasses a phone rings. Kyon's hand picks up the receiver and Koizumi's voice whispers:

_Next: __Mikuru, Mikuru._


	2. Mikuru, Mikuru

_Neither__ The Big O__ nor the __Haruhi Suzumiya__ series of novels, comics, or cartoons are owned by the author. No profit can be made from this story in any way._

THE BIG H:

_Act Two: Mikuru, Mikuru._

This city, Overmind City, is a city of forgetfulness. Did I tell you that already? I forget. When I got home to stately Smith Manor, I was greeted by my butler, Itsuki Koizumi.

"Greetings Master Kyon," he smiled with his eyes closed as he took my gloves and tie. I have no idea how he navigates with his eyes closed like that. He must be psychic. "How was your negotiation with the kidnappers?"

It went great. Now you know why I'm known as Overmind City's top negotiator.

"I must say, you look really good in a sharp black suit," he said as he leaned in close to me.

Whoa! Too close dude! Give me some personal space already. Okay. So I look good in a black suit. What's your point?

"Why do you insist that we wear green jackets with red ties? It looks tacky."

Koizumi, I'm going to explain it one more time. As a professional, I have to maintain a professional image. I can't very well show up to a negotiation wearing a tee shirt.

"Yes, but why _these_ outfits? We look like high school students or security guards or something."

You're just a butler. You don't understand my sense of _style_.

"There's a lot of things I don't understand," he admitted as his plastic smile returned. "For example, the reason no one in this city has any memories. Wouldn't it be strange if the reason we have no memories past three years ago is because three years ago the world didn't exist? What if we're all characters in a TV show, or the product of some beautiful girl's wild fantasy; that would be weird wouldn't it?"

Not as weird as this conversation. Why? Do you think that's what the world is? A TV show that's really a beautiful girl's wild fantasy or something?

"No, I just thought it would be strange if it _was_ that's all."

I groaned and covered my forehead with my hand.

"By the way Master Kyon, there's a beautiful girl waiting for you upstairs. I think she wants to hire you."

You let her in without my permission?

"Yes. I did."

Are you crazy? She could rob the place while you're not looking!

"But those were your instructions," he smiled. "You said it was okay to let in beautiful girls without waiting for your permission."

Damn. Being a teenage boy can be a pain in the ass sometimes. We're so horny that we're stupid.

When I went upstairs I saw a small slender girl with nice legs staring out the window. I cleared my throat and straightened my tie. I look good in this and I know it, whatever Koizumi thinks. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, Miss… oh it's you. The robot girl. Miss Nagato is it? What can I do for you?

"I would like you to protect me."

Protect you? Lady, I'm a negotiator, not a bodyguard. I don't even have a license to carry a gun. I'm sorry Miss Nagato; I think you're looking for someone else to handle this job. I recommend Spike Spiegel, the professional bounty hunter.

"The job is yours, John Smith." There was something about the way she said it that bothered me. Something final. Oh, wait! It was that calm creepy android monotone she said it with. That must be it.

From behind me, my smiling butler came up the stairs. "So sorry to intrude, but it looks like you've got another visitor Master Kyon," Koizumi smiled as he came in. "Lieutenant Mikuru Asahina. She wishes to speak with you."

Lieutenant Asahina! She's so cute! I'll see her immediately, Koizumi!

"Very good Master Kyon," he bowed without opening his eyes or losing his fake smile. "By the way don't you think it's strange that Overmind City looks like New York City but with huge geodesic domes that cover entire neighborhoods? Not only that but have you noticed that all the car and clothing styles are circa 1959 but humanoid androids walk among us like it's no big thing? Makes you think doesn't it? It's almost as if this world was fabricated according to a certain sense of style."

So what does it mean?

"It could mean that the world has been destroyed by some catastrophe, and that everyone you see are really clones of the people who lived here before. It could mean that people are grown like tomatoes and given the memories of the people who lived before so they would be able to walk and talk and read and drive cars and think they were adults when they are really just three years old. It could mean that we're all just an experiment and can be destroyed and replaced with duplicates that would look just like us or perhaps we're already just duplicates of the people who came before. We might not even be clones, we could be androids like Miss Nagato here wouldn't that be strange if it was true?"

No! It would be horrible! Oh my God! Is it true? Are we really just three year old copies of the people who came before?

"I haven't the slightest idea," he chuckled as he scratched the back of his neck. "I was just asking if it _would_ be strange if it _was_ true, that's all. Why? Do you think we're all copies of people who came before?"

Thanks for nothing, Koizumi. Now I'll freak out every time I see a tomato.

"Wait 'till you hear my ideas about barcodes!"

I don't want to hear it.

When I reached the sitting room on the ground floor I saw a beautiful girl waiting for me. You meet a lot of beautiful girls in the negotiating business. Is negotiating a great job or what?

Hi there Lieutenant. What can I do for you today?

Mikuru Asahina turned from where she was looking at the pictures on my mantel. She looked so adorable in her little military uniform! It looked like one of those sexy Halloween costumes with its tight, pleated blouse and short skirt! "Oh! Hello! K-kyon…" she said shyly. I have to admit, this girl's so hot that I get pretty bashful myself, but she's so timid I have no idea why she joined the Military Police.

Make yourself at home, Miss Asahina. Would you like a little drink to steady your nerves? If you're on duty, I could get you tea or…

"That's okay," she shook her head as she clasped her hands helplessly. "Kyon, I've got bad news, and I'm not allowed to tell you 'cause it's classified information, but it concerns you and I have to tell you. Do you understand?

Sure Miss Asahina. I understand. Just relax and tell me what you can.

"I want you to be careful, because somebody is going around and killing Overmind City's professional negotiators. We have a lead but it's classified information. We think we know the method but it's classified information. We've got a few suspects but I can't tell you their names because it's classified information. I wish I could give you more details but I can't. Do you understand?"

Sure. I understand... Wait. Did you just say that somebody is murdering _professional negotiators_?

"Only the male ones under the age of twenty. Someone is carving them up with a combat knife," she said before she gasped and put her hands over her soft, red, pouty, deliciously kissable lips. "Oh! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have told you that. That's classified information…"

You're so cute! Er… I mean I won't tell anyone if you won't. Thanks for the heads up, Lieutenant. I appreciate it.

"You're welcome Kyon," she smiled sweetly. "Just remember what I said and try to forget it, okay? As a Lieutenant in the Military Police I see a lot of classified information that I'm not allowed to tell you. Well take care and try to be careful. I got to get back on duty. And whatever you do, stay away from the factory owned by Keiichi Tamaru, the head of the Esper Company."

Keiichi Tamaru eh? Isn't he the eccentric millionaire who lives on that island who hosts an Agatha Christie style murder mystery every year?

"That's classified," she pouted before gasping in surprise. "Oh wait! It's not! It's public knowledge! Well goodbye Kyon, and try to keep out of trouble. Leave this case to the military police, pretty please?"

After she left and my blood pressure got back to normal I went to the garage and got in the car but was surprised when Miss Nagato joined me. "You're going to Keiichi Tamaru's factory, aren't you?" she said as she shut the passenger door.

Do I have to make you get out?

"You may try but I doubt a mere human would have the strength."

Fine. But first I'm going to the park to talk with an informant.

My informant was a bodacious redhead in her midtwenties who I nicknamed Big B**bs. Big B**bs smiled pleasantly as she wore a blouse with a low neckline that let me see the mole in her round, perfect, voluptuous cleavage. So cute!

"Hi there Kyon," she smiled as she sat on the park bench and read the newspaper. "Who's your little buddy? Is she your new girlfriend?"

Hardly. I looked over at Miss Nagato. She was sitting at nearby park bench reading a book.

I'm working on the negotiator murders. What's the connection with the killer and Keiichi Tamaru?

"Ooh I'd leave that one alone if I were you," she smiled sweetly with only a hint of condescension. "Overmind City's famous muckraking reporter was working on two stories when he disappeared. The Negotiator Killer and Keiichi Tamaru's factory."

'Famous muckraking reporter?' You mean Computer Club President, the guy who works for Overmind Press?

"The same," she nodded, causing her breasts to shift their weight and me to miss the next things she said. Negotiation is a great gig but it stinks being a teenage boy. This girl gets me so horny I have to change my underwear after I talk to her. "You have a change of underwear?"

Damn! Did I say that out loud?

"You'll need it after I tell you about the Negotiator Killer," she said seriously. "Each of the victims was carved up with a combat knife. The remains are so gory, the investigating officer fainted."

The investigating officer wouldn't be Mikuru Asahina would it? That girl fainted at a robbery once. By the way, are you two related? I swear you look just like each other. You could be sisters!

Big B**bs giggled, and I damn near got a nosebleed. "Kyon, you keep asking me that. Just think of me as her mysterious sibling who ran away from home, like Racer X from _Speed Racer_. You mustn't tell her about me, remember?"

I remember. So are you her big sister who ran away from home?

"That's classified," she scolded and flashed one of her dazzling smiles. For some reason her smiles don't bother me as much as Koizumi's.

Wow! You even sound like her! If you weren't all grown up I'd think you were Lieutenant Asahina!

"Aren't you going to ask me about Keiichi Tamaru?"

Oh yeah. Tell me about him.

"Word on the street is that Keiichi Tamaru has a factory that is secretly making illegal items, including giant robots. President was working on the story before he disappeared."

Okay, thanks. Here is your payment.

"Thank you," she said as she took the envelope of money I handed her. "And my next bet will be Lucky Star for the split, Cutie Honey for the third, and Pretty Sammy to come in first."

How do you do it? Every time I lay a bet for you it comes out exactly the way you said it would. It's like you're from the future or something.

"That's classified," she giggled girlishy. Oh Big B**bs, I am so in love right now…

"Kyon? You who! Kyon? Are you okay?" she said as she waved her hand in front of my face.

Sorry. You're just so alluring I spaced out there. Is my nose bleeding?

"No," she shook her head, causing the load in her shirt to bobble slightly. "Not this time. Isn't it strange that you get so many nosebleeds all the time?"

Not all the time.

"Really?" her beautiful eyes blinked at me. "You always seem to get them while I'm around."

Uh yeah. Go figure.

* * *

On a desk filled with hourglasses a phone rings. Kyon's hand picks up the receiver and Koizumi's voice whispers:

_Next: __R.A._


	3. R A

_Neither__ The Big O__ nor the __Haruhi Suzumiya__ series of novels, comics, or cartoons are owned by the author. No profit can be made from this story in any way._

THE BIG H:

_Act Three: R.A._

This city, Overmind City, is a city of forgetfulness. What do you mean I told you that already? This is a city of forgetfulness, for crying out loud! I can't be expected to remember _everything_.

What I didn't know at the time was how the investigation of the Negotiator Murders was going, but I could guess. Quite frankly it was going terribly, especially when you consider who the military police put in charge of the investigation: Mikuru Asahina and her hyperactive partner, Tsuruya.

Lieutenant Tsuruya was a taller and braver officer, known for the lisp caused a fanglike tooth in her mouth. She was also infamous for her long fits of unrestrained and intense laughter at things she considers the slightest bit humorous.

When Asahina arrived at the home of Mister Boddy, the latest professional negotiator to be murdered, she was horrified. "T-Tsuruya!" Mikuru squeaked. "What's happened to your _hair_?"

"Oh this?" Tsuruya flipped a lock of her long, way past shoulder length hair. "I wanted to try life as like, a redhead for once. All the guys are like _megas_ wild about you Mikuru and I wanted to find out, y'know, what all the fuss was about. But, y'know, somethin' must've gone wrong, 'cause now it's this ugly green color, nyoro? My head looks like a green olive! I should just call myself Olive Oyl nyoro?"

"Eh, uh, um," Mikuru stammered.

"Oh don't worry about it," Tsuruya smiled. "It's pretty funny when you think about it. I just tell the fellas that I dyed my hair a camouflage color 'cause I'm part of the military police. You should _megas_ worry about Mister Boddy. He's been carved into so many pieces we can't even tell what room he was killed in! Come on and take a look!"

When Mikuru reached the kitchen of Mister Boddy's mansion, her eyes bulged out and she screamed bloody murder.

"Yep," Tsuruya nodded. "It's like, _megas_ gross, right? There's his spleen, and there's his pinky. And in the sink there's about three feet of his intestine. I think he was killed here, but I can't be sure. There's a secret passage to the lounge and he might have been killed there…"

"Is… Is… there a bathroom?" Mikuru asked timidly.

"Yeah, there is, like right outside," Tsuruya nodded as Mikuru fled the kitchen and dashed into the bathroom. "But I wouldn't use that bathroom to toss your cookies in!" she called in after her. "We found his head floating in the toilet and…"

"AAAAAAAH!" Mikuru screamed before dashing out in the most girly run Tsuruya had seen in quite a while. She didn't stop until she was panting for breath on the front porch of Boddy's home either.

Tsuruya followed her out and gave the redhead a candy cigarette. "Yup. It's pretty bad. You'll never guess which room we found his heart in. But don't worry partner! Things are lookin' up! We finally got a suspect!"

"A suspect?" Mikuru gagged as she tried to steady herself. "Any identification? What have we got?"

"Nothing," Tsuruya shook her head. "No name. No other alias. Clothing is custom. Nothing in the pockets but knives and lint."

"Hi Mikuru!" waved an attractive teenage girl with long dark hair. "How are you?"

Mikuru breathed a sigh of relief. "It's just Ryoko Asakura. You remember her. She's in the class below us."

"Oh yeah!" Tsuruya winked, tapped the side of her head with her fist, and stuck out her tongue. "Nyoro! I'd lose my head if it wasn't attached! Sorry about that Miss Asakura! You're free to go!" As the military police released their only suspect, the green haired officer collapsed in hysterical laughter.

So if you're wondering why I was investigating the Negotiator Murders instead of leaving it up to the military police I think the answer is obvious. Miss Asahina and Tsuruya are nice girls and everything, but personally I think that they'd have a tough time catching a cold on a rainy day!

I drove my black Cadillac to Keiichi Tamaru's factory. It was a huge hangar sized building, make that a huge hangar sized tower. Nagato and I got out and went inside. No wonder Miss Asahina told me to stay away from here! It looks like a bomb went off in here! The place was a wreck, with a huge crater in the floor leading to the tunnels below, the same tunnels I use to transport Big H. What's Big H you ask? I'll tell you later.

Miss Nagato do know what happened here?

The lavender haired girl just stared straight ahead.

Um… Okay, what do you think this place was for? I don't see anything that looks like a conveyor belt, but I do see catwalks and what looks like damaged scaffolding. Whatever they were building it was tall.

No answer.

Okay, do you want to take the elevator up to the catwalk and enter the control booth? Even if there aren't any clues we should get a bird's eye view of the place. Maybe we can figure out what happened.

A pause, and then, a tiny, tiny nod. I guess that means yes.

Hard to get a word in edgewise with you around, isn't it Miss Nagato?

She gave me a blank stare but at least she turned her head to look at me.

Okay, we rode the elevator up to the catwalk that must have been over fifty feet off the floor. Yeah, the building was that huge, even on the inside. I'm not usually scared of heights, but I was feeling dizzy up there on the catwalk so I went the control booth as quickly as safety and decorum would allow. Decorum? Well I didn't run to the booth like an idiot if that's what you mean. No way was I about to let Miss Nagato know I feeling acrophobic. She _did_ hire me to protect her and a lady in distress is a lady in distress, even if she's an android.

Inside the fifteen by twenty (less than five by seven if you're using the metric system) booth was an older man lying on his back with the handle of a large kitchen knife sticking out of his shoulder. Oh my God! It's Keiichi Tamaru! The killer got here first! He's dead!

Except he's not. He's groaning and trying to move. I've got to help him!

I crouched over him and gasped in horror. So much blood! Miss Nagato, can you find a first aid kit?

She turned her head and looked around.

It doesn't matter. I'm not a trained paramedic. I have no idea what I'd do even if I _did_ have a first aid kit.

"I… didn't want to build it…" he muttered.

He's speaking! I've got to get him to tell me who the murderer is before he dies! Mister Tamaru! Who did this to you? Who did it? Quickly, you've got to tell me before it's too late!

"No… time…" he gasped. "Lost… too… much… blood… There's… no… time… for me to… tell… you who stabbed me…"

Yes there is! Look how much you said already!

"After… the negotiators…" he whispered. "Listen! If you're a negotiator…"

Yes? If I'm a negotiator?

"If you're a negotiator… a negotiator…"

I'm a negotiator! Out with it! Hurry!

"If you're a negotiator… You've got to know…"

Yes? Got to know what? What is it I've got to know?

"Most… important… thing to tell you…" he wheezed. "If you're a negotiator… you've got to know that…"

Yes? I've got to know that…?

"That… that… uh…"

I was horrified by the death rattle, but couldn't help being kind of pissed off, know what I mean?

I turned to look at the delicate yet impassive face of Miss Nagato. Nagato? Do you know what he meant by…?

I never got to finish my sentence because the girlish android jumped on top of me. To say it was kinky for the girl to be embracing my crouching body was an understatement. As I speculated on why her creator built her to look (and feel) so human an explosion sent glass and shrapnel through the booth. When the smoke cleared I was sandwiched between Miss Nagato and Mister Tamaru. Mister _dead_ Tamaru. Ew! Gross!

Miss Nagato got off me and I could hear fragments fall off her back. She had shielded me from the shrapnel! Miss Nagato are you okay?

"Yes."

Are you sure? Let me take a look at your back!

"I'm fine."

Hm. Aside of dust and a few tears on your clothing you don't seem to be hurt. We seem to have survived that explosion unscathed. Now I know how Jake and Elwood Blues felt.

Which is more than I can say for poor Mister Tamaru. Hey, what's that in his hand? Look, his hand was in a fist before, but now it's open and I can see he was holding a folded piece of paper. Let's see what it says.

"What is it?"

It's a list of names and addresses. I recognize some of these names. They're my fellow professional negotiators! This is a hit list! All of the names have been checked off but two. My name and someone with the initials 'R.A.' Oh my God, we're the only two left! Whoever R.A. is, I got to warn them! R.A. isn't even aware of the danger! The military police have kept it out of the papers! We've got to save R.A. before it's too late!

We got back in the car and I drove like a maniac to get the address of 'R.A.' Okay, I admit that I hummed the theme from the old 'Batman' TV show while I drove. I was nervous, okay? We managed to get to R.A.'s place, a large nine story tall condominium.

The door has an electronic lock and an intercom. We'll have to get R.A. to buzz us in. Which of the tenants has R.A. as their initials?

"Ryoko Asakura."

Really? How do you know that Miss Nagato?

She pointed at the list of tenants. Sure enough, one was named Ryoko Asakura. I couldn't help noticing another name on the list. Yuki Nagato.

Miss Nagato. You live here?

"Yes."

Is Miss Asakura your next door neighbor?

"She lives four floors below me."

No wonder you think someone's after you. With the Negotiator Murderer loose and a professional negotiator living in the same building as you, you must have seen some suspicious characters sniffing around. Have you seen anyone out of the ordinary lately?

"Yes."

Really? A criminal type?

"Yes."

Can you describe him? Do you have a name?

"Taniguchi."

I don't believe it! Taniguchi is the Negotiator Murderer? If so why didn't he kill me when I went to the rendezvous to pay your ransom?

"Taniguchi is not the Negotiator Murderer."

Really? But you said…

"You asked if I have seen any criminals," she said. "As a hired kidnapper, Taniguchi fits your criteria."

Doh! Wait, as a _hired_ kidnapper? I thought he was in business for himself. What do you mean by that?

"He was hired to kidnap me."

Really? By who?

"I cannot give you that information at this time."

Do all the cute girls give the 'that's classified' line?

"No."

Fine. I don't care anyway. I pressed the buttons to activate the intercom and let Miss Asakura know we're coming. Miss Asakura?

"Yes?" a sweet feminine voice answered. "What can I do for you?"

My name is John Smith Miss Asakura. I'm a professional negotiator. I need to talk to you about something important. May I come in?

"Certainly," she said cheerfully. "Come right up. Room forty-nine." The door to the building opened with a loud buzz.

Thank you Miss Asakura. I'll be right up.

Nagato and I crossed the spacious lobby and entered the elevator. As the doors closed a disconcerting thought occurred to me. Nagato, was that really Miss Asakura? Could you recognize her voice?"

"Taking into account the distortion of the intercom there is a 98.9 chance the voice who spoke to you is Ryoko Asakura."

Thank you. Y'know if I ever go into fighting crime professionally you'd make a great little sidekick.

"Very well."

Very well what?

"I'll become your sidekick."

No, that's not what I said. I said _if_ I ever go into the crime fighting business, not that I was going into the crime fighting business. Just because I drive a car that looks like the Batmobile and hum the tune from the old Adam West show when I drive doesn't mean anything.

"I will become your sidekick in the eventuality of you fighting crime."

Is this an android's way of flirting with me?

We got off at the fourth floor and I knocked on Miss Asakura's door. When it opened I saw a teenage beautiful brunette girl with baby blue eyes. Even the highlights in her hair were blue. She was hot. Is negotiating a great gig or what?

Miss Asakura? I'm John Smith. I believe you already know Miss Nagato.

"Oh yes," she smiled sweetly. "I was just about to fix myself a sandwich. Want one? Yuki dear, I know this is a dreadful imposition but I'm running out of mayonnaise. Could you get some for me?"

Nagato paused, and then finally nodded. It would give her a chance to clean herself up and change into some fresh clothes anyway.

"Thank you dear," Asakura smiled kindly. "You're an angel. Come in Mister Smith. What can I do for you?"

I'm afraid what I have to say isn't pleasant. I'm here to warn you. I think there's going to be an attack on your life.

"An attack on my life?" she smiled indulgently. "That's ridiculous. But just in case…" She pulled out a key and locked several bolt locks on her door. For a girl who thought a threat against her life was ridiculous she certainly had a lot of locks on her door. Nine of them to be exact, and four of them required a key no matter what side of the door you were on. "What makes you think I'm in danger?" she asked breezily while I followed her to the kitchen.

I don't know if the military police have informed you already. They're keeping it quiet because they want to avoid a panic, but there's a serial killer loose and he's targeting professional negotiators.

"Oh yes, that's right," Asakura said as she put a long piece of French bread on a cutting board and pulled some liverwurst and mayonnaise out of her refrigerator. "The Negotiator Murders. Tsuruya and Mikuru were telling me about it earlier today. They seemed really worried."

So the military police have warned you? That's good; I hope that you're taking every precaution.

"Why do I need to take precautions?" she said as she pulled a large chef's knife out of a knife block and sliced the French bread the long way down the middle. "I'm not in any danger."

Because you're a professional negotiator! I found a hit list with your initials on it! Why else do you think the police were warning you?

"Oh, I'm not a professional negotiator," Asakura said as she sliced the liverwurst into thin slices with breathtaking skill. "I'm in no danger from the Negotiator Murderer."

Then why were the MP's warning you?

"Oh they weren't warning me silly," she giggled cheerfully. "The reason they talked to me is because I'm a suspect."

* * *

On a desk filled with hourglasses a phone rings. Kyon's hand picks up the receiver and Koizumi's voice whispers:

_Next: The Legacy of Asakura_


	4. The Legacy of Asakura

_Neither__ The Big O__ nor the __Haruhi Suzumiya__ series of novels, comics, or cartoons are owned by the author. No profit can be made from this story in any way._

THE BIG H:

_Act Four: The Legacy of Asakura_

This city, Overmind City, is a city of forgetfulness, but forget about that now. Miss Asakura, did you just say that you're a suspect in the negotiator murder case?

"That's right," she said sweetly as she spread mayonnaise on the slices of French bread. "I was in the area when all of the murders were committed, and the investigating officers wanted to talk to me."

You were in the area? That's pretty thin. Do they have anything else to make them suspect you?

"Why yes actually," she smiled as she cut the long skinny sandwich in half. "From their questions, I get the impression that all of the negotiator murders were done with a knife. I'm a chef at one of those restaurants were the chef prepares the food right in front of the customers. I'm very handy with a knife."

One of those restaurants where the chef juggles the ingredients and slices and dices the food right on the grill?

"Yes. Yakifuda's," she smiled kindly as she put half of the sandwich on a plate. She turned and handed it to me. "Now what was this about a hit list?"

Here. You can see for yourself. It's a list of names. Aside of the initials 'R.A.' and my name, all of the other names have a check mark next to them. I'm guessing those are the names of all of the negotiators who've been murdered.

"You're right," she grinned sweetly as she perused the hit list. "I've seen some of these names in the obituaries."

Why do you suppose they've been murdered?

"Oh that's complicated," Asakura said breezily. "Somewhere in this city is a man who's a kind of key. As you know, a key by itself doesn't have any power. And a key is nothing but a tool with which you can open the door. And when that door is finally opened, something is going to change and I know that what will change is... Let me put it another way. Those who have power are to be commanded, and only those who are commanded can have power. Do you understand?"

Nope. You've completely lost me.

"That's okay," she smiled gently. "You see, somewhere in this city is someone who has the Power of God wielded by the Hand of Man. This person is a key capable of unlocking the power to change the world. And only by controlling who has that key can someone determine what the world is going to be. Understand now?"

Not really. I think I'm kind of getting the gist though. Does this living key have a name?

"I don't know his real name but everybody says he's the best negotiator in Overmind City," Asakura shrugged. "No one wants him working for a rival so everybody just calls him 'Kyon'. That way, only those in the know will know who they're talking about."

So that's why I have that dumb nickname. Er, I mean, we better find this Kyon person and tell him he's in danger. So he's been the real target all along huh?

"Yup," Asakura shrugged as she smiled blandly. "I guess that's why all of the negotiators in town have been getting it. If the murderer knew who 'Kyon' was he'd be the only one who would have to die."

But why kill Keiichi Tamaru?

"Oh, Tamaru was building a team of giant robots to conquer the city," the girl shrugged nonchalantly. "The famous muckraking reporter, Computer Club President told the murderer in exchange for murdering Mister Tamaru so President could control the robots himself. The murderer was glad to do it, for Tamaru was going to force Kyon to unlock the Power of God wielded by the Hand of Man too early. So Tamaru had to go."

But why was the hit list found in Tamaru's hand?

"Oh, the murderer planted it there," Asakura smiled. "It would either throw suspicion off the murderer or lure Kyon to his doom. Everybody says the Kyon is the kind of man who never gives up until a job is finished and the murderer knew that if enough negotiators got killed Kyon would investigate rather than run away. You have to admire that."

Uh, yeah… I guess you do. Unless he's an idiot! Um… Miss Asakura, I've got a question for you and I hope I'm not being out of line.

"What is it?"

Are you the murderer?

"Oh yes," she smiled and nodded as if she was chatting with a neighbor. "I've been killing every negotiator I could find until I could find Kyon. Now could I ask you a question Mister Smith?"

Uh…

"Are you Kyon?"

No! Hell no!

"Hm," she pursed her lips and cocked her head to the side. "I don't believe you. Personally I think you're lying. I'm going to kill you anyway so you really should 'fess up if you're the one I'm looking for. A lot of lives can be spared y'know."

Wait! Why do you want to kill me?

"Removing you is my legacy I'm leaving the world when I'm gone," she said as she held up her knife. "You have to go. You're the key that can unlock the power."

You mean Big H?

"Yes," she smiled. "Big H is the Sacred Chariot of Mankind, the Power of God wielded by the Hand of Man. Those who possess such power are to be commanded, and only those are commanded can have such power. Who commands you John Smith?"

Uh… nobody... I guess…

"Then why do you command It?"

I don't know! For some reason nobody else can! Koizumi keeps giving me reasons that don't make sense but for some reason I'm the only one who can activate it!

"Oh," she nodded before smiling sweetly again. "Now you know why you're going to die." Without warning, she lunged forward and sliced at me, but I threw the plate she'd handed me at her and darted backwards out of the way.

Oh my God! Why use something as painful as a knife? If I have to die, isn't there some more quick and humane way Miss Asakura?

"Guns can be traced easer," she shrugged. "There's a whole science called 'ballistics'. Besides I like using a knife. A gun is too quick. There's no time to savor all the little moments," she cooed as if she was talking about petting kittens. "You know what I mean?"

No! I don't want to die! Let me out of here!

"I'm sorry," she smiled benevolently as she walked towards me. "The only way you're leaving is in little pieces. But look at it this way: At least you found the murderer. That's got to count for something, right?"

Yeah, right. I can see it now; here lies John Smith, the best negotiator in the whole damn cemetery! Wait! She just stepped on the sandwich on the floor and is distracted! Now's my chance, while her guard's down! My arms are a lot longer than hers! Maybe she has a glass jaw! I put the weight of my entire body into my punch…

…Only for Miss Asakura to effortlessly catch my fist with her left hand. My blow didn't even knock her back! It didn't even make her shift her balance! How could she be so strong? It's like she's not human or something!

"Kyon," she scolded lovingly as I struggled to get free. "It's not nice to hit a girl. Even if that girl is an android."

An android! Miss Asakura! You're an android?

"Of course," she shook her head sympathetically. "How else could I be so strong?"

Oh my God! She's an android! A killer android! What do I do? She's stronger, faster, smarter, more enduring and made of metal. Why me? I wish to God I had an android on _my_ side right now!

The door to the apartment was knocked off its hinges. Miss Nagato's tiny form marched into the room. "Release him," she ordered. "Your programming is faulty."

"I can't do that Yuki," Asakura smiled. "This is Kyon. I'm going to kill him."

"You will not," Nagato said as she approached us. "You are my backup. You are supposed to observe only."

"I'm bored observing." Asakura smiled nonchalantly. "Tamaru's robots are about to attack and I want to know what happens if they destroy the city. Big H can stop them, and everything will stay the same. I killed all those negotiators to change things. You want things to change don't you?"

"There is not enough information to allow us to determine what those changes will be," Nagato said when she reached us. I was standing as far away from Askura as I could but since she was holding my hand I could only go as far as arm's length. Nagato invaded our personal space and positioned herself between Miss Asakura and me. "Kyon is necessary. He is the key to unlocking the Power. I will not let you hurt him. He should have the right to fulfill his purpose."

"You don't even know what his purpose is," Asakura giggled sweetly. "But that's okay. Once he's gone we'll be able to tell by measuring the changes. Besides, I think you like him," she added with a wink. "Humans can't see the way you look at him, but I can tell."

"You are in error," Nagato insisted in her lifeless monotone. "Any predilections outside of my programming towards him are the result of erroneous files that have accumulated in my memory database that influence my motivations. They are irrelevant to my purpose and should be disregarded."

"'Emotion' and 'motivate' are derived from the word 'motion' which means 'movement,'" Asakura smiled. "'Emotions' and 'motivations' are the reason why you 'move'; they're why you _act_, so you can't deny your emotions, can you Yuki?"

What? She's giving us a lesson on etymology now? This gal's six sandwiches short of a picnic!

"Come on," Asakura smiled sympathetically at Nagato. "You know I'm right. You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me. I know you better than anyone."

"If I concede to your delusion, will you release Kyon?" Nagato asked.

"Of course," Asakura nodded sincerely, "but I'm still going to kill him."

"My emotions are affecting my judgment regarding Kyon," Nagato said lifelessly.

"Come on," Asakura shook her head. "You'll never get a man that way!"

"I love him," Nagato said flatly. "I lie awake at night thinking about him. I long for the sweet taste of his lips and burn for the sensation of his loving embrace."

Wow. Overdoing it much?

"That's better!" Asakura nodded encouragingly.

"I would do anything for him," Nagato said quietly. "He's the only one who ever made me feel alive. He makes me feel like a person and not an object."

"That is so beautiful!" Asakura squealed as she let go of my hand to pat Nagato on the shoulder. "Don't you feel better now?"

"Relatively," she replied without a trace of emotion. "Kyon. Go. Now."

What?

"Leave. Now. Quickly."

Right! As I turned to go Asakura lunged forward and Nagato restrained her. I was distracted when Nagato picked Asakura up and slammed her into the wall, causing paint and plaster to fall. One of Nagato's little hands was clamped around Asakura's wrist keeping the knife at bay but Asakura still didn't lose her adorable smile or her dangerous knife. Asakura returned the favor and slammed Nagato into the opposite wall but I lost track of them when I turned and ran out of the apartment.

I don't understand! Asakura's a killer android? What happened to the three laws of robotics? Isn't it supposed to be impossible for them to kill or something?

The elevator ride down was as claustrophobic as a prison cell and I was glad when I got out of the building and ran to my own car. Pulling up to the curb was a prowl car and out came Lieutenant Asahina. "Oh!" she squeaked. "Kyon! Have you been…"

Get out of my way! She's trying to kill me! I got into my Cadillac and gunned the engine.

"Oh!" Miss Asahina squeaked when a window broke four stories up and Ryoko Asakura jumped out and ran towards my car. "Miss Asakura!" the lieutenant called. "Sorry to bother you but I've got some more questions concerning where you were when the murders were committed…"

"Get out of my way!" Ryoko called without losing her sweet smile as she rushed past Mikuru Asahina. "I'm trying to kill him!"

When my car took off down the street, she kept running after me until I activated the James Bond oil slick that made her slip and fall. Yes, I have a James Bond oil slick. My car was all kind of gadgets in it. My watch has a communicator and a Batrope too. What about it?

That slowed her down only for a moment. As soon as she got to her feet she broke into a parked car, hotwired the engine and started after me.

Meanwhile as Mikuru stared openmouthed at the two of us disappearing into the distance Miss Nagato surprised her by entering her patrol car via the driver's side.

"I need your car," she said quietly.

"Hey! What are you doing?" the redhead squeaked as she got in the passenger seat. "That's my car! You can't do this! Eek!" The police car took off after us.

* * *

On a desk filled with hourglasses a phone rings. Kyon's hand picks up the receiver and Koizumi's voice whispers:

_Next: Enemy Is Another Android_


	5. Enemy Is Another Android

_Neither__ The Big O__ nor the __Haruhi Suzumiya__ series of novels, comics, or cartoons are owned by the author. No profit can be made from this story in any way._

THE BIG H:

_Act Five: Enemy Is Another Android_

This city, Overmind City, is a city of forgetfulness. That's probably why I forgot that I already told you four other times. Sorry. I can't think straight right now.

The reason I couldn't think straight was because a knife wielding android is chasing me in a scene right out of _The Terminator_. I roared through the city in my big black Cadillac and Ryoko Asakura was perusing me in a Honda Civic Hybrid. Following both of us was a military police patrol car being driven by Yuki Nagato, a second android, and Mikuru Asahina, a lieutenant in Overmind City's military police force was sitting next to Yuki in the passenger seat.

Mikuru's a little flustered because Miss Nagato decided to commandeer her police car in order to keep up with us. Fortunately, Mikuru has special blocks on the pedals that allow her short little legs to reach them; otherwise Nagato would never be able to drive that squad car.

"What are you doing?" Mikuru protested.

"Ryoko Asakura will kill Kyon unless it is prevented," Nagato explained. "She has murdered all the other negotiators in the city."

"Ryoko Asakura is the killer?" Mikuru's lovely eyes bulged out in surprise as she turned on the police siren. "No way!"

"Way." Nagato said as they zipped through traffic to catch up with us.

"But Ryoko always seemed so nice!" Mikuru protested.

"She was programmed to be nice," Yuki said. "She has no choice."

"So she's always nice?" Mikuru's chest bounced as the car zoomed down the street. "All the time? Even when she's killing people?"

"Yes."

"Well at least she's nice about it," the redhead decided. "Should I call this in?"

"Yes," Nagato said.

Several blocks ahead of them, I risked a glance in the rearview mirror. I spotted Miss Asakura. She was close enough for me to see that the look in her face was like she was going to surprise me with a birthday present, not that she was going to cut me up with a chef's knife. That's not what really scared me though. What scared me was that little decal on my rearview mirror that said 'Objects in mirror are closer than they appear'!

She attempted to ram me off the road by tapping the left corner of my rear fender. The cops do this all the time to knock a fleeing car off the road and she was trying to do the same with me. I was having none of that. I slowed down to put her alongside me and then sideswiped her car. This big black monster I drive is huge and can easily outweigh some Japanese car any day!

Why am I offended by my own arrogance? It's not like I live in Japan do I?

Sure enough, her car went off the road and into a brick and iron fence sending pedestrians running for cover. I had no time to feel guilty about putting my life before theirs because Ryoko had rolled out of the car and was now pursuing me on foot. And she was _still_ smiling! And it wasn't a psycho Joker smile either, it was an adorable cheerful smile, the kind that makes everybody feel good. I'm going to need lots of therapy when this is over.

I had made the mistake of slowing down so she was keeping up with me too. Damn those androids sure can run! She was on my back bumper and used her knife as a climbing tool to get onto my trunk. She was on my car! I hit the brakes and turned in the opposite direction of my spin to keep me from losing control of the car. Asakura flew ahead of me like she was shot out of a cannon before tucking and rolling as she hit the ground. She rose to her feet and leaped just when my car hit her. She was on my windshield and she was _still_ smiling! I kept my foot on the brake but lost control of the car as the screeching of my tires competed with the scream in my throat…

I dove out of the car before it came to a complete stop, tucking and rolling as my car slid out of control with Asakura's legs sticking out of my windshield. I was too stunned when my car came to a halt and Ryoko Asakura pulled herself out of my car to get up brush herself off and look for me.

"There you are!" she smiled as pieces of my windshield fell off her torn and soiled clothing. "I thought I lost you there!" she added as she walked over to me brandishing her knife.

Asahina's police car hit her full on and sent her flying. Yuki Nagato got out and offered me her hand. "Come with me if you want to live." How did I know she was going to say that?

I hate to admit it, but my mind just stopped working for a moment there. As I laid there on the street I stared at the girl for I don't know how long before I finally gave her my hand and stood up.

"D-don't move!" Asahina said as she pointed her pistol at Miss Asakura. "Y-you're under ah-ah-ah-arrest for the murder of all those n-negotiators..."

Smiling beatifically, Asakura rose to her feet and walked forward.

"I… I… I'm warning you!" Mikuru stammered as the gun shook in her hand. "I'll shoot if I have to! D-don't come any closer! Please!" Closing her eyes, she fired one shot after another. She didn't hit Asakura but she _did_ hit a parked Toyota, a streetlight, and a pickup truck. Still think I was stupid not to let the cops handle it?

Asakura walked right past Mikuru as if she wasn't there. For all the good she was doing she might as well not have.

Wait. That wasn't true. Mikuru had provided Yuki with her police car. And in the trunk of that police car was a shotgun. And if Mikuru hadn't been there, not only would Nagato been unable to follow us in the police car, she wouldn't have been able to take the shotgun out of the trunk and shoot Ryoko with it.

Boom! The arm holding the knife was taken off at the elbow.

"Cease your aggressive actions. To continue is futile," Yuki said.

"Nonsense," Ryoko smiled. "I can kill him with my other arm." She bent over and picked up her knife to demonstrate.

Boom! Ryoko's other arm came off too.

"You are unarmed," Nagato said as she cocked the gun. "There is nothing you can do. You must stop. Let me correct your programming and repair your systems."

"I don't have to stop," Ryoko shook her head sweetly. "I can always kick him. If I take my shoe off I can hold the knife in my toes…"

Blam! Ryoko Asakura fell down when her leg came off at the knee.

Nagato handed me the shotgun and walked forward when Ryoko sprang to her… um… foot, and propelled herself through the air at me.

"Cease this futile action," Nagato said as she spread her arms and blocked Ryoko with her body. "You have no chance of success."

"What's the matter, scared?" Ryoko teased as she hopped around on one foot as she bobbed and weaved trying to get around little Yuki. "Come on, Yuki, I may be a murderer, but I'm not a quitter! I'm going to kill Kyon one way or another, I just know it! All I have to do is believe in myself!"

Yuki pulled the shotgun out of my hand and with one fluid motion knocked Ryoko down and shot off her other knee. Ryoko used her stumps to somehow pull herself to an upright position.

Come on stop it! Knock it off Asakura, you lost! Give it up already!

Asakura looked around at her ruined limbs and smiled sheepishly. "Tell you what: We'll call it a draw."

Thank God, it's over. I admit that I gazed at Yuki Nagato fondly in awe of her heroic and decisive actions. She may look like a harmless and somewhat puny girl, but in my eyes she was a radiant guardian angel.

Wait a second. She handled herself like a professional. A professional bodyguard. Miss Nagato didn't you hire _me_ to protect _you_?

"Yes."

But you were the one who protected me!

"Yes."

I don't get it. Why would… wait a minute. I get it. You never needed protection did you? That whole story was just an excuse so you could protect _me_.

"Correct."

But I don't understand. How could a loser like Taniguchi manage to kidnap you?

"I hired him for the express purpose of abducting me so you would negotiate for my release," she replied.

What? How come? Why didn't you just hire me?

"Your identity was unverified," she explained in her crisp, quiet monotone. "I needed to ascertain the identity of the negotiator called 'Kyon' and it was necessary to make contact before his life was terminated."

How did you know that I'd be the negotiator?

"The Data Overmind Company would only hire the best negotiator. Based on past incidents, when Jason Taniguchi held a victim for ransom you were the negotiator 87% of the time."

What? Only 87% of the time? Taniguchi you bastard! Are you seeing another negotiator behind my back? Oh well. All things considered Miss Nagato, your story makes as much sense as anything else does. I have to admit; asking for my protection was a nice touch. If you had shown up at my door offering to protect me I would have been too suspicious to accept your offer. Hey Miss Asahina, what's the matter?

"I can't figure out how to put the cuffs on Miss Asakura," the buxom redhead squeaked. "She doesn't have any wrists!"

"Hey Kyon, could you come over here and bend over so I could rip out your jugular vein with my teeth?" Ryoko asked sweetly.

Uh… pass. Man, I'm going to need a lot of therapy later! What's that in the distance? It looks like Koizumi driving up in the Batcycle… I mean, driving up in a black motorcycle and sidecar. Hey Koizumi, what's with the Nazi motorcycle?

"Oh this?" he smiled as he got off the motorcycle and took his helmet off. "I restore classic motorcycles in my time off. I see that the car has taken some damage. Shall I take it into the garage for repair Master Kyon? You can use the motorcycle in the meantime."

Convenient much?

"Hey Kyon?" Ryoko called as Nagato buckled her into the backseat of Miss Asahina's police car. "I'm lonely. And it's hard to kill you from over here. Could you get in the back seat with me?"

Nope. Now that your crazy butt is out of the way, the Negotiator Murder case is wrapped up. The danger is over.

Wait. No it's not. I hear maniacal laughter! There's a guy up on the roof of that building wearing a _Phantom of the Opera_ mask.

"You're a corrupt dog on the city's leash!" he yelled.

* * *

On a desk filled with hourglasses a phone rings. Kyon's hand picks up the receiver and Koizumi's voice whispers:

_Next: The Big Fight_


	6. The Big Fight

_Neither__ The Big O__ nor the __Haruhi Suzumiya__ series of novels, comics, or cartoons are owned by the author. No profit can be made from this story in any way._

THE BIG H:

_Act Six: The Big Fight_

This city, Overmind City, is a city of forgetfulness. Yes, I know I told you that five times already, but this information is going to be relevant soon, I promise!

We were in the middle of the street with towering apartment complexes surrounding us. My black Cadillac had a hole in its windshield where a homicidal android broke through trying to get me. Mikuru's police cruiser was parked nearby with the limbless Ryoko Asakura secured in the back seat. Koizumi's greyish black motorcycle and sidecar was parked right next to us. Standing in the street or leaning against the parked vehicles were Koizumi, Miss Asahina, Miss Nagato and myself as we congratulated ourselves on the conclusion of the Negotiator Murder Case. We were pretty smug until a man appeared on the roof of one of the apartment buildings laughing maniacally in a cheesy _Phantom of the Opera_ mask.

Computer Club President? Is that you? What are you doing wearing that stupid mask? If you think it makes you look scary, you're sadly mistaken! _Nobody_ could be frightened by that silly thing!

"Aaaah!" Mikuru screamed while crouching and hiding her eyes.

Almost nobody.

"The paper edited my columns one time too many Negotiator!" President bellowed. "Now I'll make the city pay by unleashing the giant robots on it! That will teach them that information wants to be free!"

Wait. That doesn't make any sense. How will unleashing giant robots on the public teach them anything? In a crisis situation people either go crazy or follow authority like mindless sheep. If you're trying to get the public to think this isn't the way. Nobody will care about the truth if they're struggling for survival.

"I'm enlightening the public by… by… Oh shut up!" President growled. "Giant robots are cool and I want to see them wreck the place! So there!"

Honesty at last.

Okay, I've got a confession to make. In all excitement I had completely forgotten that Ryoko Asakura told me that Computer Club President, Overmind City's most eccentric muckraking reporter, arranged for the ambitious industrialist Keiichi Tamaru to be murdered so he could seize control of the giant robots Mister Tamaru was secretly building to conquer the city. It just sort of slipped my mind.

What can I tell you? Overmind City is a city of forgetfulness. It happens.

We were surprised by the appearance of my beautiful and mysterious informant, Big B**bs, on the roof of another building. "Stop!" she cried. "Don't you know what will happen if you release the power too soon? You'll spoil everything!"

"The power is mine!" President chortled. "Once I release it, no one can stop me!"

"Who said I was talking to you?" the buxom redhead smiled impishly.

Ooh! Burn…

"Well it's too late!" the masked reporter sputtered as he played with the controls of a large clunky remote control device with long antennas. "I'm summoning the giant robots right now! They'll destroy the city, so there!"

Why do you want to destroy the city?

"Because giant robots are cool!" he whined in frustration.

Okay. Hey President? Can I ask you another question? Why are you wearing that _Phantom of the Opera_ mask?

"I got a zit!"

Oh. Okay. Sorry if I made any dumb comments about the mask then.

It was long before we noticed that the ground was shaking. It was like giant footsteps, getting closer. Well, it _was_ giant footsteps getting closer but the footsteps were thundering like some great… thundering things… uh, never mind!

"Four roughly anthropoid robots are heading this way," Nagato announced quietly. "They are roughly 20 meters tall weighing over 40 tons and are stocked with both missile and particle beam weapon systems."

"Master Kyon," Koizumi smiled as he squinted at me. "In view of the situation, perhaps it's time to activate the Big H."

Activate the Big H? Are you crazy? You know how hard that thing is to control! We could do more damage than the giant robots with that thing! No way. I'm not summoning Big H until it's desperate!

"Um, four giant robots are heading our way," Koizumi smiled. "They sound far too powerful to be taken out with conventional weaponry. I think this is a Big H situation Master Kyon."

Dammit! I don't want to summon Big H! I don't know if I can control it! No one can really predict what will happen if I unleash something that powerful! Maybe Big B**bs is right. Big H is too dangerous…

It was then that the four giant robots arrived. How can I describe them? It's like somebody tried to build sets of samurai armor out of cinderblocks, car parts, and futuristic artillery pieces. They had huge feet and legs and wide barrel shaped bodies. Their bulky forearms were kind of a _Robotech_ meets _Popeye the Sailorman_ thing. Their heads looked small by comparison, and they really didn't have any faces, just a square turret with three gun barrels surrounding a cluster of sensors_._ The robot with the '01' printed on its right leg was black, the one with the '02' was white, the one with the '03' designation was red, and the one with the '04' was blue. They lumbered through the city, kicking cars out of the way and punching holes in buildings as they went. Occasionally one would fire laser beams out of the cluster of guns that was its head to cause an explosion.

Oh crap! I have no choice!

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" President laughed mockingly. "What's the matter Overmind Dog? Scared? Or can you not control it? Do we control them or do they control us, John Smith? You don't have the guts to summon the Suzumiyadeuce!"

That's what you think President! I ain't afraid of nothin'! Okay. Here goes. Big H! It's Showtime! Action!

The ground rumbled underneath us and rising from beneath the street was a fifty-foot tall teenage girl wearing a North High sailor fuku uniform. A foot wide yellow ribbon formed a barrette in her brunette hair and her big brown eyes gave her mischievous smile an endearing quality that might otherwise have been missing. I have to admit that her dramatic entrance was breathtaking! Too bad she appeared underneath the apartment complex President was standing on. She completely totaled it! No really, when she emerged from the ground she just burst that building open like an egg! Why does she always have to wreck perfectly good buildings when she could have just appeared in the middle of the street?

"Wow!" Mikuru gasped as we completely ignored President's scream as he fell to his doom and was buried in a pile of rubble. "I've never seen it this close up before!"

That has got to be the biggest panty shot in the history of anime. Except it isn't. She's wearing modesty shorts. Sorry to disappoint, folks, but you know darn well Haruhi would never let us see her panties.

"How do you get inside to pilot it?" Mikuru asked.

There's a hidden entrance between her legs.

"What?" gasped the horrified redhead.

Hey! Don't look at me like that! I didn't build it. The way to get inside her is through the opening between her legs. Stop looking at me like that! She's a giant robot, not a girl! It's not sexual, dammit!

In the meantime, Big H crouched over us, picked me up and hid me in her bloomers. The eyes blinked and a huge smile erupted on the Suzumiyadeuce's face. "Big! O!" she shouted. "Action!"

It's not sexual dammit! I have no idea why she says that when I enter her! Um… When I get inside her, I mean _it_! Like a vehicle! It's not dirty! She's just a giant mecha I promise!

"So Kyon is the _only_ one she'll let enter her?" Mikuru asked Yuki.

"Yes."

"K-kind of symbolic isn't it?" the bashful officer blushed.

"Very."

It's not symbolic, I tell you! I don't know why it was built like that! The two ways to get in are in a hatch hidden under the blouse and a hatch hidden under the bloomers and… wait a second. That's the heart and the uh… never mind! So whoever built it made the entrance hatches symbolic, it wasn't me!

"Okay, let's have some fun!" Big H announced as she posed dramatically and made 'Kung Fu' punches in the air. "I've been looking for some action for some time but you giant robots are a dime a dozen. You four are plenty masculine I guess but I have to tell you: I've got no interest in ordinary mecha!"

What's with the commentary? Just destroy them already!

The two faceless robots in front blocked the street and fired the lasers on their 'faces' at Big H. Big H smiled and leaned over to the left while posing gracefully as the beams zapped past her to cause fires and explosions in the hotel at the end of the street before abruptly leaning over to the right as the robots adjust their aim. It was as if she was stretching before beginning a workout.

"Come on, boys!" she shouted in her megaphone loud voice. "You can do better than that, can't you?"

Don't encourage them!

Big H spread her arms like they were airplane wings as she ran forward before she dove to the ground in an acrobatic roll before leaping high into the air to close the distance while avoiding their laser beams.

In the meantime, chunks fell off buildings, fires erupted and people ran for cover.

Her pink fleshy hands seemed small and dainty as she seized the 'head' of the first one and leap frogged over it to place herself in the middle of the four robots. She kicked the red one marked with a '03' knocking it down before grabbing the arm of the blue one marked '04' and pulled it right into the black one marked '01'.

Suddenly, only the white robot was still on its feet. It lashed out at her with its colossal metal fists. Smiling impishly, Big H backpedaled, and dodged its blows simply by twisting her torso when it punched. Finally, she grabbed its fist with her smaller hand and pushed it staggering backwards into its fellows, who had in the meantime risen to their feet.

"Okay boys," she said as she pulled a hundred foot long jump rope out of her sleeve. "Let's dance."

Whirling the jump rope over her head like a cowboy's whip, she lassoed the black one in the back and pulled it forward straight through the others. As the other robots fell to the street (causing a ridiculous amount of property damage) Big H let go of the jump rope to seize the black robot by the laser cannons. The black robot struggled to free itself, but it was no use. She kneed its 'face' repeatedly until she simply ripped the head right off.

With a girlish giggle, Big H threw the robot's head over her shoulder and totaled Mikuru's police car (and Ryoko Asakura with it). Mikuru screamed and hugged Koizumi while Nagato watched the fight impassively. Koizumi, you lucky jerk! You better watch those hands!

When the headless black robot staggered to its feet Big H delivered a right cross that went right through the torso of the black robot's body! An explosion of red hot plasma erupted out the back of the robot to signal its demise.

"You guys must be wuss-bots!" Big H declared as the black robot fell crashing to the ground. "You're robots that are half wimp, half puss! There's got to be mecha in this town tougher than _you_ guys!"

That's right, and I'm riding her. Oops! I mean I'm inside… I mean I'm the _pilot_! It's not sexual, dammit!

The other three robots fired their lasers at her as hatches in their exoskeletons opened to reveal more cannons. Big H simply picked up the fallen black robot and held it before her. Pieces of the robot flew off its battered hulk as the laser beams slashed armor and caused explosions to ripple across its armored hide.

As the black robot finally exploded into a million pieces Big H leaped high into the air and landed on the flat roof of one of the apartment buildings she hadn't totaled yet. Due to the impact, the roof caved in beneath her feet, but thankfully, she only sunk one story. Giggling girlishly, she hopped and skipped to the roof from one building to another as the three robots tried to keep her in their sights. Jumping off the building at the corner of the block, the Big H spun in the air like an Olympic ice skater.

Okay, now you're just showing off!

"Deal with it Kyon," Big H smirked.

Boom! Big H landed behind them and sent asphalt and small cars flying. She leaped into the air and kicked the white robot and the blue robot by spreading her legs apart and doing a split that put her inner thighs at an angle of approximately 180 degrees. The two hapless robots careened into the apartment buildings across the street from each other sending concrete and glass flying as Big H tackled the remaining red robot.

The red robot staggered backwards and fell to the street with a resounding crash. Big H straddled its body and punched at it with her fleshy pink fists. The turret that passed for the robot's head jerked back and forth under her blows until the guns on it were too damaged to function. Then Big H got off it to pick it up over her head.

Don't throw it! For God's sake don't throw it! You have no idea what kind of damage you'll do when it lands!

"Woo!" with an enthusiastic shriek, Big H threw the red robot as far as she could. Flailing its limbs helplessly, the red robot soared into the distance until it crashed through one of the giant geodesic domes that cover entire neighborhoods of Overmind City. An explosion signaled both the death of the red robot and who knows how many innocent people.

I had no time to berate myself for calling upon something as destructive as Big H because the white robot came up behind her and grappled her by putting its arm around her neck. As she was lifted off the ground the white robot rotated its torso to allow the blue robot to punch her.

That was a mistake. Big H wrapped her legs around the blue robot's arm pulled it closer to her before kicking out with both legs to send it tumbling backwards. She then jerked her body downward so her feet to could hit the ground and flipped the white robot over her shoulder.

"Well now," she smiled evilly as her eyes narrowed. "Looks like now we have a _fight_."

Unbelievably, she actually allowed the white robot to rise to its feet and punch at her. She deflected its furious blows with a number of blocks and parries that would impress Bruce Lee. She took it off its feet with a roundhouse kick that sent it thundering to the ground. Big H then leaped into the air, spun 360 degrees and landed straight on white robot's midsection, causing to fly apart into a scrapheap of metal parts.

Big H then looked at the blue robot. The only remaining robot trembled. That's right. Big H is so scary that she can terrify a mindless robot. She smiled and made a 'come here' gesture with her finger. The blue robot turned and ran away as fast as its metal legs could carry it. When it reached the end of the block it turned to get out of sight.

"Yeah, you better run!" Big H sneered as she climbed and leaped over buildings in a technique the French call 'parkour'. She managed to cut it off by getting in front of it and put her hands on her hips. Desperate, the blue robot opened hatches on its exoskeleton to reveal a number of missiles that it fired in her direction. When Big H vanished in a tremendous fireball, the blue robot slumped as if it was relaxing.

It didn't relax for long though because out of the huge smoky fireball Big H ran out to clobber it with a roundhouse punch. After giving the blue robot two more punches, Big H finished it off by cutting it in half with a roundhouse kick.

"Whoa…" an astonished Koizumi and Asahina gasped from down the street where we left them. As one, Koizumi, Asahina and Nagato clapped their hands in applause.

* * *

On a desk filled with hourglasses a phone rings. Kyon's hand picks up the receiver and Koizumi's voice whispers:

_Next: The Show Must Go On_


	7. The Show Must Go On

_Neither__ The Big O__ nor the __Haruhi Suzumiya__ series of novels, comics, or cartoons are owned by the author. No profit can be made from this story in any way._

THE BIG H:

_Act Seven: The Show Must Go On_

This city, Overmind City, is a city of forgetfulness. No one, I mean no one in this city has a clue about anything that happened before three years ago. No, I haven't forgotten that I told you six times already, I just wanted to remind you because you're about to find out why. Really this time! I'm not lying! I'm getting to it! Honest!

The Big H put her hands on her hips in satisfaction as she surveyed the carnage around her. She had taken four six story mecha out of action (and about three city blocks at the same time) and was feeling pretty good about herself. At street level, Koizumi, Asahina, and Nagato watched from a safe distance.

And me? I was in Big H. She was just a giant mecha after all. You'll notice that I haven't described what the cockpit looks like yet. That's because the cockpit of Big H looks like it was designed by the Moon Kingdom from _Sailor Moon_. Pink and glittery baroque controls decorated the inside of the control room. Hearts and jewels were a major decorating theme. Honestly, it looked like the controls for a spaceship the Sailor Scouts would fly. The reason that I haven't described the interior of Big H until now is because I didn't want to die of embarrassment.

In the control chair I breathed a sigh of relief as Big H put her hands on her hips and surveyed her handiwork.

"Aw right!" she cheered. "Four down! Not too shabby! That was fun! I wanna smash something else now! Come on, Kyon, let's tear down those buildings!"

Big H! Wait! Don't destroy those buildings! Don't do it!

"Huh?" Big H blinked naively. "Why not?"

Because there are people in there, that's why! The city might look like a giant playground to you, but to the people who live here they call it home! Those buildings contain their homes, their places of business, all their things!

"What people?" she asked.

Look into the windows if you don't believe me!

"Oh," she blinked her huge innocent brown eyes. "Okay." She squatted down and looked into the windows of the nearest building. "Hey, you're right! There are people in there! That's really neat! But something's wrong. They seem terrified. I don't get it. What are they so afraid of?"

Isn't it obvious? They're afraid of you, Big H!

"Afraid of me?" she asked as she stood back up again. "But why?"

Because you're fifty feet tall and can crush them like bugs!

"Oh," Big H said quietly. Quietly for Big H that is. Too be honest, Big H speaks at such a loud volume that her voice can be heard clearly for almost a mile. To anyone listening to this conversation it must sound like she's shouting into a cell phone. "I guess that figures," she admitted. "So, what do you want to do now, Kyon? Are there anymore giant robots to fight?"

Nope.

"So what now?" she asked.

I guess you go back home. You go back to your hangar while Koizumi, Lieutenant Asahina, and I see if we can get the whole story out of Nagato and try to piece together what happened today.

"Back to my hangar?" Big H protested. "You're just putting me _away_?"

Well, yeah Big H. You're a giant mecha. It would be too dangerous for you to walk the streets when there isn't an emergency.

"But I don't want to be put away!" she whined. "I wanna do stuff!"

Like what?

"I don't know," she pouted. "I could make friends with some amazing individuals and hang out with them, I guess. Solve mysteries. Fight crime. Go to the mall. Things like that."

Well you can't do that. You're a giant mecha, not an ordinary human. I'm sorry Big H, but it's just not possible. Hey! What's going on?

Suddenly, my chair lurched forward as the control panel lowered into the floor and I was ejected out of the hatch in her chest. Big H fished around in her blouse until she extracted me and placed me on the top of a four story building so I would be at eye level with her.

"D-did B-big H just pull Kyon out of her _shirt_?" gasped a blushing Mikuru Asahina.

"Yup," Koizumi chuckled.

"D-does that m-mean that he came out of the crevice between her _boobies_?" the redhead gasped as she covered her mouth with her hand.

"You know it," Nagato said in her flat quiet voice.

Meantime I found myself face to face with an irate Big H! Do I have problems with women or what?

"Why can't I be an ordinary human?" the humongous girl demanded. "Why am I a giant mecha?"

I don't know! Nobody knows! Nobody can remember anything that happened before three years ago!

"Well that's not good enough!" Big H pouted. The ground trembled as she stamped her foot childishly. "I want everybody to remember so they can tell me what's going on!"

Suddenly the sky became gray. Everything was getting dark. It was like we were in closed space or something—Wait a minute! I remember closed space! Oh my gosh! I remember everything now! I'm not a negotiator; I'm a high school student! I don't live in Overmind City, I come from Nishinomiya, Japan! And my name isn't John Smith! It's really…

"Kyon!" Big H or rather, Haruhi Suzumiya shouted. "What's going on? Why am I five stories tall?"

Because that's how you see yourself! You perceive yourself as greater than all the ordinary little humans. This is what you want!

"This is what I want?" she frowned. "What are you talking about? This isn't what I want at all!"

Come on, Haruhi, you had a ball kicking those giant robots' butts! This is exactly what you want!

"What do you mean?"

(Deep sigh) Look three years ago, you were at a game where you saw all the little people in the stadium and you realized that you were one of them, right? That was the day you discovered that you weren't special and you were just like all of the other people you saw. That was the day you vowed to be different and refuse to blend into the crowd.

"Ah-huh," she nodded. "What's your point?"

Down at street level, I knew that Koizumi wasn't smiling but I couldn't enjoy it because I knew why. I was treading very dangerous ground but I didn't see any other way and he knew it.

Up on the roof, I took a deep breath and continued. Haruhi, you've spent the last three years trying to be different and walking all over your fellow students. You couldn't stand being ordinary and somehow you got the power to get your wish. You're not ordinary. You're bigger and stronger than all of us because that's what you wanted. The reason why none of us could remember what really happened is because you didn't want to dispel the illusion.

"This whole world… is an illusion?" Haruhi gasped. At that moment, a giant stage light fell from the sky and totaled one of the few vehicles parked on the street that wasn't already demolished. It was surreal, like a scene from _The Truman Show_.

Uh, yeah, kind of, Haruhi. You see for some reason you have the ability to affect reality on a subconscious level. What you believe literally becomes reality. Your desires can affect things because deep down you believe what you want to believe. In effect, somehow you've become the god of the universe. I don't know how that happened but there are at least three teams of experts who are working on it…

"I'm God?" Haruhi frowned. "Don't be ridiculous! Something's happened to me!"

What other explanation is there? Everything that's happened today is based off of you or something you read or watched that has affected your mind! I just spent the day being a combination of James Bond, Bruce Wayne, and Shinji Ikari! I'm sorry Haruhi, but the reason you and the world are like this is because this is what you wanted.

"No!" she shouted before she turned and stomped away from my perch on the roof. "I don't want this! I don't want to be this… thing! I want the world to go back to the way it was before I became a giant mecha! I don't want the world to remember this! _I_ don't want to remember this! I can't be God! I don't want this kind of responsibility!

I was shouting to make myself heard now. Haruhi, you have to take responsibility! You're the Supreme Being! You're God, can't you understand that?

"It's the first week of December!" she shouted over her shoulder as she marched down the street. "Christmas is coming up! God is taking the holiday off! Someone else can be God this month! I just want to be an ordinary girl right now!"

Down at street level, Yuki Nagato's face held no expression. There was no way to tell what she was thinking, but Koizumi was grim and Asahina was terrified.

You can't just take away everybody's memories! Can you hear me, Haruhi? You can't just erase everybody's memories and give up on the world! There are other people out there aside of you and me! Do you hear me? I said, do you hear me?

Everything was getting darker and the sky was replaced with a grid of glowing lines. It was like a _Star Trek_ holodeck was being turned off, one piece at a time. That's when it hit me. Haruhi had given up on the world she created. But would there be another one to replace it or would this be the end of everything?

Haruhi turned and started walking back towards me with a determined look on her face. As she walked forwards, the city around her was disappearing, block by block. Behind her there was nothing but white nothingness stretching out into the horizon. The buildings were disappearing! The cars! The people! Even the terrain was just a featureless flat plane! Haruhi was erasing the world!

It had finally happened! Armageddon! Doomsday! The end of the world! And all because Haruhi couldn't cope with being a giant mecha!

No! There had to be a way out of this! There had to be a way to salvage this! In this world I was John Smith the negotiator. Time to negotiate for all of existence!

Haruhi! Memories are very precious to people's lives! They give us the opportunity to prove to ourselves that we exist! And if we lose them, we have an unrelenting feeling of uncertainty!

Haruhi continued marching forward as the landmarks and buildings vanished around her.

You must listen to me! The humans that are living now in the present are made up of more than their memories of the past! I myself don't even know who I am anymore! It doesn't matter if I have a memory about myself, or whether I have a past or not! What matters is that I keep thinking so that I know I exist, so I can keep on living in the present _and_ in the future! Because I must go on believing there is a _me_!"

It wasn't working. Haruhi continued to thunder towards me and she wasn't even leaving rubble in her wake. There wasn't very much of the city left. Soon there would be nothing at all. Talking about myself didn't work. She's a girl, I thought. Talk about _her_, you idiot!

"Haruhi! I know that I will never lose the you that is now a part of my memories! The you that met me, and the conviction you had for what you felt you needed to do! The you that loved yourself more than anyone else ever could! I'll never forget this girl named Haruhi Suzumiya, who once loved herself, but was filled with such doubt."

Damn it, I wish was normal size so I could kiss her like Prince Charming and wake her up from this nightmare! What was I thinking telling her she was God? I've left her with nothing to believe in. I spread his arms wide, ready to sacrifice myself to the nonexistence that Haruhi's nihilistic despair had condemned all of mankind to. Somehow I knew that when Haruhi reached me, she wouldn't just make me vanish. She and the world would cease to exist as well.

You must stop denying your own existence! You have to live as a human being!

I was out of time as Haruhi reached my building. I closed my eyes and embraced nonexistence.

* * *

It was cold. Mind numbingly cold. Was this what nonexistence felt like? It shouldn't feel like anything should it? I heard an alarm clock chime but I was afraid to open my eyes because I was afraid I wouldn't see anything.

That's when I heard a door open and my little sister's voice call. "Hey Kyon, it's time to get up! Wakey-wakey!" she teased as she pulled off my blanket and pulled me right out of bed. "Mom told me to tell you to eat breakfast," she added. "And you better eat yours Shany," she said to the cat that had followed her into my room. It was so cold that I decided to let the cat sleep in my room until it warmed up a little.

I was alive! I was back home! My home still existed! The world still existed! The human race still existed! I couldn't wait to get to school and see if any of the others remembered what happened!

I had to wait for Haruhi to visit the restroom before the rest of us had the clubroom to ourselves. That was when we compared our experiences and tried to put things in perspective.

"It appears that this world is almost identical to the one that existed before Miss Suzumiya watched all those cartoons," Koizumi smiled. "So far Miss Nagato has only recorded one actual change."

One change huh? Okay, I give up. What is it?

"In this world there is a cartoon that came out over a decade ago called _The Big O_."

_The Big O_? What kind of cartoon is it? Is it a porno or something?

"Not at all," Koizumi laughed. "It's about a negotiator who works as a private investigator in a city without memory. He drives a giant mecha and has a teenage android girl as a sidekick."

You're kidding!

"Nope," he laughed again. "Believe it or not, I found a copy at home in my DVD collection even though I have no memory of buying it. I guess I'm the only one in the world who is a fan of a cartoon he's never seen! I got all twenty-six episodes. If anybody wants to we can watch them sometime."

Uh… pass. If Haruhi decides to watch them with us we could end up in Overmind City all over again. Maybe I'll borrow them when you're done watching them, okay?

"Suit yourself," Koizumi shrugged. "I'm just glad that after everything that happened Miss Suzumiya seems to have no memory of what happened. Perhaps she thinks it was all a dream from watching too many cartoons. Thankfully it doesn't look like there will be any long term consequences for what happened in the world of Overmind City."

Boy I wish you were right Koizumi, but you were wrong. I had to wait until the 18th to find out how wrong you were. Those three days before Winter Break became the worst of my life. I won't bore you with the details but I will tell you that it was the day I wished I could forget everything I lost.

END

* * *

_Kyon's adventures continue in __**The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya **__by Nagaru Tanigawa!_


End file.
